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23 May 2013 @ 02:39 am
Jesus man I'm twenty-three now. I think I was fifteen when I started this blog. There's so much of me in here. I'm afraid to look back at it. Sometimes I think I'm afraid of everything.
19 January 2012 @ 03:02 pm
Having not even looked at this journal in about 2 years, I was nostalgically going through some of my old posts and I realized, I was actually a pretty intelligent 18-year-old. What happened? I kid. This is something I wrote back before the 2008 election:

She called the war a "mission from God". Ummm... No, it's a mission from President Bush. And you'd know that if you actually knew what the Bush Doctrine was. How did she make it past the preliminary list of VP's and doesn't know what the bush Doctrine is? I know what that is. And I'm 18.

Part of her competency in terms of her foreign policy experience includes the fact that, in certain areas of Alaska, you can see a smidge of Russia. Since when does your proximity to something heighten knowledge or experience? If that worked, people would be sleeping on their math text books instead of actually reading them. If any Democrat tried to pull this crap, the media'd be all over it. Hell, I don't even think McCain could get away with that, really. Why is she so special?

She believes Roe V. Wade should be overturned. I disagree, of course. She said that there should be more emphasis on exploring other options like adoption. I agree but I don't think abortion needs to be abolished to do that. She says women should feel empowered to explore these options. I don't think any woman would feel empowered about giving up a baby she didn't want to have in the first place. And let's be honest, we're talking about poor people. Republicans don't care about poor people. Not like they care about their own. So I doubt she cares about the empowerment of poor women. Sure, you try living on welfare, foods-tamps, and government cheese, then have a bunch of rich white people tell you that you have to have another mouth to feed and see how empowered you feel.

If she called him "Charlie" one more effing time in that interview, I was gonna lose my shit. You could tell she was just nervous and her natural reaction is to condescend to him. Even though he called her Governor Palin, not Sarah. That's such a cheap tactic. It's almost like how dumb people often express their intellectual frustration through violence and aggression, only she's on TV so she just acts ultra passive aggressive. God, people can be so transparent. If politicians weren't so busy trying to slide tackle everyone who threatens them, politically speaking, and were actually tactful, polite, and respectful, it would seriously improve their image. People aren't perfect, stop trying to act like you are. It only highlights your inadequacy.

Okay, so her 17-year-old daughter is having a baby. Big deal. Yeah, it's hypocritical, but who can control their kids? I bet one of Obama's girls is gonna fuck up some time in her life. So what? PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED TO MAKE MISTAKES. Politician's kids are no different. If this were her biggest problem, I'd let it slide. She's got like six kids, statistically speaking, it could be much worse.

She can't decide whether Global warming is caused by mankind or not (well, she can, she just doesn't want to openly disagree with McCain). So? Neither can I. No one can say either way. Sure, climate change is occurring and I do think it's naive to assume we have no impact on the planet, but it could be part of the planet's natural cycle. There is REASONABLE dispute over the cause of it by SCIENTISTS. And Palin is no scientist. But neither is McCain. Or Obama. She said, regardless of whether or not it's a man made problem, they're gonna take action. I can respect that. Sure she's flip-flopping a little on the cause but I DARE anyone to tell me they know the reason behind global warming beyond a reasonable doubt. They can't. And I'm sick of these know-it-all's laughing when people express their skepticism. But I think we owe it to our planet to give it the benefit of the doubt and do something about this issue. Because even if it is a natural cycle, all we've done is taken extra precautions (and wasted some money). I'd say that's better than the alternative; being royally fucked.

Question: Why can't the President and Vice President disagree on some things? Why does Palin feel the need to change her opinions to fit McCain's? That's why FDR had a brain trust. Because everyone agreeing on everything isn't good for progress. There's no decision the president should make that shouldn't be discussed, fought over, or put under a microscope. No issue should just be settled upon entering office. Because if you don't have to fight or stand up for what you believe in, you leave room for error. You make weak arguments that lead to bad choices. That's why we're at war right now. That's why I think elections should be like they were back in the day; when the runner-up became vice president. We could have a Democrat and a Republican in office. What's so wrong with that? Instead of half the country feeling shitty for four to eight years they could feel good that their candidate is still in office in some capacity. They could feel that their interests are still being served. They are, after all, Americans. Shouldn't the white house have everyone's interests at heart? If I'm pro-choice and for gay marriage and McCain wins, should I be forgotten about? Every party is a self serving organism. We, as I understand it, evolved out of competition and became highly intelligent beings. Looking at the structure of government similarly, how can we expect a single, complacent party to achieve the highest of human achievements: to accept and take on the tasks that we, the people, ask of it. If there's no competition, there's no growth. Just a self-serving, reign of ignorance, scrambling to fill seats on the supreme court and pass it's own bias legislation. That's some seedy shit. Sneaky, almost. Why do the cabinets have to sneak around like a philanderer, trying to get as much lovin' done before they have to slide back in bed beside their spouse and pretend they were their all night?

And who cares if McCain is changing his view on Bush. Bush sucks. But he is a Republican. And McCain can never openly create any distance between him and Bush because they're in the same party. That's McCain's problem today, sure, but it will be some Democrats problem tomorrow. That's the problem with this political system. There are only two parties. They put people in their respective categories, tying them to these issues and their fellow party members, robbing them of any real, individual thought. I am a Democrat because the Democrats agree with me (for the most part) on the issues that matter to me right now. I can pick the guy on the right or the guy on the left. But they're not even guys. They're puppets. Who cares if George Bush did Cocaine when he was younger? He's not President. His party is president. He didn't make crazy, coked out decisions for the same reason he can never come out in favor of gay marriage, even if he wanted to; his party is pulling the strings. What does that tell you about presidency? I'm sure Senator Obama is for gay marriage but he can't do squat about it because his party isn't ready to take that step, without assessing the outcome thoroughly. The truth is, it doesn't really matter which candidate is elected. You're choosing between two, highly polarized interests or between two groups that know the answers before they know the issues. People who say they haven't decided who to vote for need to get over the fact that it isn't really a choice.
19 January 2012 @ 01:45 pm
I haven't posted in this journal in a few years. It's weird to look back and read things I posted when I was 19. Things about boys. Some bits about life in general. And a ton of shit about TV shows I watched. I have so many things to say to that little pseudo_meat, in a condescending grown-up-but-not-matured-up fashion. So I'm going to say those things now:

Hey there. I know things suck where you are. Or I know that you think they do. I base this on all the "locked" posts I'm seeing, despairing about boys and friends and all that. But I'm here to tell you, little sweet psuedo_meat, it's going to get so much worse. You're going to become lazier than you could ever imagine. And you're going to develop this terrible habit of only eating once a day because you'll be too irresponsible to have any respect for your own health. And most of what you'll be eating is carbs. Tons of mashed potatoes. You'll have fun with it though, throwing in the occasional vegetable. You're going to stop watching as much TV, as hard as that is to fathom (hate to break it to you, but House and Cuddy break up). And you're going to develop an affinity for hard apple cider. But one night you're going to drink too much and it will do interesting things with your bowels the following day. You'll make some friends. You'll lose some friends. And you'll learn from it while at the same time being desperately afraid that you won't. Afraid that nothing is to be gained from something so painful. But I'm going to tell you, that you'll figure it out. I am in the unique position to know this because I figured my way around all the problems you're currently having.

You'll set your sights on becoming a writer. Which is a big decision for you. You think it's what you want now but one day you'll read Black Swan Green and you'll realize what it means to really want it. But your laziness will be your greatest foe here. And as someone who has yet to best that beast, let me tell you, it is a sunuvabitch. But a series of particularly horrible consequences will set you on the path of self-awareness. I write to you in that very state, myself.

In a few years time, you will still have yet to get over your miserable penchant for losing things. Important things. But fortunately your mother will come to accept it. And when you call her, crying because you left your car keys somewhere in the airport. And then again a few days later because you dropped your license somewhere on campus, she will tell you, with great hope for your future, that there are things about yourself that you must accept. And love yourself in spite of. But she will never cease to remind you to stop putting your foot in your damn mouth. And to take a good look in the mirror every once and a while. And this will lead to more than one heated argument between you. Here's a tip: Don't kid yourself, she's right.

Which brings me to my final point: your laziness isn't so much your biggest problem as it is a symptom of it. It isn't that you don't like to "do things", as you put it. You only like to do the things you want to do. You do what you want, when you want, with the stubbornness of a hippopotamus (which, as you will learn, is a much more frightening and territorial animal than you thought. Also chimpanzees are awful and will rip your nose off so stop thinking they're cute). And you've developed a way of interacting with the world that enables you to live unchallenged. You are stubborn. Everyone will tell you this. Your friends. Your family. And you won't accept it at first. Or you will accept it secretly, in the dark recesses of your brain where you admit things only to yourself. You put so much weight on being a good person, that falling short of perfect is, for some reason, heartbreaking to you. Don't do that. You're not perfect. And you're not anything like the person you wish you were. You're not quiet or reserved or in any way mysterious. And you are most definitely not a morning person. You're a loud, chatty, night owl. Deal with it.

You will be angry with your peers for pointing out your flaws, and unwilling to accept that they could love you anyway. This will depress you instead of change you. And you will begin to see yourself from the outside looking in. Like astral projection. And you'll notice every insensitive comment. And neglected opportunity. And spend nights crying, wondering why you feel so powerless to change. And something in you will start to grow. Maybe it's something that has been there all along. In any case, it will be there and you will know it. It'll be watching you. Waiting for its moment. Your body will be host to it like the fluke-man episode of the X-files (which, by the way, you will always love). And as it grows, you will become less and less satisfied with how things are going. With who you are. And you'll be unsatisfied with your choices. And unsatisfied with your thoughts. And the growing, nagging, tumor of a feeling in you will start pushing you to do things. Go places you that you can't go now. And make friends you'd never know.

You don't like yourself. But you will. And as I write this, I realize I don't know that for sure. I'm not writing to you from the end of the story. I'm writing to you from the beginning. I'm not that different from you. And I have the same misgivings. But today, I was in the car outside my building and I couldn't decide whether to go back to my apartment and do the same things I always do. Or to go get a milk tea. And drink it on the hood of my car because it felt so nice outside and because I never go outside. And suddenly, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers was coming out of the speakers. As I made the decision to actually do something different, a song started that was like the soundtrack to that moment. The moment I decided to go instead of stay. And as I turned the car around, I was filled with an overwhelming feeling that things were looking up.
26 May 2010 @ 08:14 pm
24 May 2010 @ 10:21 pm
24 May 2010 @ 08:30 pm
19 June 2009 @ 06:39 pm
"I don't know if I want my food cooked inside a big, anthropomorphic, gay oven." -Me

"Yeah,  I don't want it splooging it's oven love juices all over my sandwich." -My Brother
30 March 2009 @ 12:42 am
 Dear New Friend,

THANK YOU For replying to my e-mail FINALLY. I was waiting with bated breath (Seriously. You should have smelled it. It was definitely bated). And THANK YOU for making it so clear you have better things to do than talk to me, what with your concise, self-contained answers that do not warrant a response. I am seriously too young and too fragile to hear that you don't want to talk to me anymore and I'm afraid I might actually throw myself down the stairs in my dorm (there are only a couple so I'd have to go down a couple times) if you had actually been an adult about this! You are seriously looking out for me, man! 

Your One-month Soul Mate!